Should i end up this Marriage and ask for a divorce?

A year ago My husband had taken up a job away from our home country. We have been married since 17 years. We have a 15 yrs old daughter and 12 yrs old son. My marriage was never very smooth . He always had pressures from his family and was never able to mantain a balance between his duties towards me and and family(Parents and brother). Even when sometimes we were away from the family he never used to give any importance to me . Whenever I needed his support or his love he was never there for me. I have had 7 missed abortions other than my two kids. I always use to be alone at the doctor for my DNC's as he never had time to spare.He forcefully had with me on our first nigth and after that many consecutive nights. When I accepted and tried to adopt his way of life suddenly he started avoiding me to the extent that he would not have a physical contact with me for months and I used to cry. Whenever it was time for him to come home i used to dress up for him and he used to push me away and avoid me.used to scold me and be harsh to me even when I tried to do my best to ignore all the abusive language and unfair ways in which his parents used to treat me. A number of times he cheated on me,and said I had no right to stop him from doing so. He has had many friendships etc.When we were newly married he used to seduce me then practice self control and avoided having for months. He always had mood swings and Ihad to put up with themall through my life. His mother used to put up allegations on me and used to tell lies to create misunderstandings between both of us. She always insulted me and rediculed me publically and my husband would never stop her or stand by me. Since past 7 years we shifted to another city.He bought a house on loan. The loan was at a high installment. He says that the has left me and kids alone because in this way he shall be able to pay back the loan in one year.Since past three years his brother is out of job and he tries to partly support his brother and parents as well. I am still madly in love with him and can't event think of being without him atall .He now comes to see me and the kid once a month or once in two months. Sometimes he shows kindness love and affection and at other times totally avoids us since it seems he feels burdened since now he is used to living alone without any liabilities and restrictions. He does not like any suggestions from me. He said we would b together in one years time but i cant see that we would ever be together as his salary is not enough to support us in a foreign country he is not ready to come back. Since past one year the loan has not been reduced atall. There is no saving. I have gone mad living alone and taking care of all financial responsibilities. I have also started working in a bank 9:00 to 5:00 job .The money that he sends to us is hardly enough to mee our basic needs . All my salary is also spent to make both ends meet. Kids also miss him a lot. Whenever I see him now, I feel that we all are a burden on him and he sometimes pushes me away and still treats me like a rolling stone. Eventhough I love him too much but i dont have a feeling of being loved the way i need. I now have a death wish. I am mostly praying for my natural death , Eventhough my brother and parents live in the same city ,they do not lend much support. Mostly i am doing all the jobs alone. I wish to run away into the jungles and do not wish to see any of my family or husband. I wish to go for a divorce.